Another Day, Another Lesson

I had a difficult Saturday night. I was sad and emotional, very very sad and very very emotional. The upside? I learnt some valuable life lessons. (In case you haven't noticed, my life is turning into an after school special, but a Canadian one with dismal ratings, poor acting and terrible camera work.) 

I know you are dying to hear what happened, so here's the gist:

I went to an engagement party for one of my closest friends. The event had all the ingredients -- great food, music, bubbly, wine, love -- to make a fun happy nostalgic event and one I would have thoroughly enjoyed pre concussion. Don't get me wrong, I have always been socially awkward, but I used to own it. I loved celebrating, mingling, meeting new people, catching up with old friends, and drinking wine. So naturally, I walked into the party confident and excited.

Have you ever watched the movie Inside Out? If not, you need to! The movie takes place in the mind of a young girl named Riley where the emotions Anger, Fear, Joy, Sadness, and Disgust influence her personality and actions. They do this by controlling a console in her Headquarters. (Get it? HEAD quarters. It's so good!) For instance, if Riley laughed, Joy would be the one who was controlling the console, and so on. I was reminded of this movie when I was reflecting on the events that took place at the engagement party. It was as if I could picture Sadness taking control of the console in my mind's Headquarters. It happened in three stages:

1. First off, I had a couple of extremely awkward conversations with some of my "closest" friends. It was really upsetting to see how far apart we have drifted since my concussion.

Picture Sadness inside my head whimpering "I miss my friends!"

2.  It didn't take long for the place to get busy and LOUD.  Instead of working the crowd as I would have done before my concussion, I found myself standing alone in the corner, looking uncomfortable, wearing bright orange ear plugs, and sipping sparkling water.

Sadness was shouting at this point "I miss me!"

3. I left the party shortly afterwards and I cried. This was the point where Sadness had completely taken over and I was in a self pity spiral. It wasn't pretty. It wasn't rational.

Sadness (maybe a bit of Anger and Fear, too): "Everyone is so happy! They have everything. They're all engaged or married or having babies.  I'm never going to get those happy moments because I'm disabled. Why is this happening to me? I don't deserve this... Blah blah blah."

It took me a couple of days and a debilitating migraine to set me straight. The self pity spiral was the easiest to tackle. I sat myself down and gave myself a pep talk. Essentially, I told myself to get over myself.  Feeling sorry for oneself is so unproductive. Helen Keller, a woman who needs no introduction, said that "self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything good in the world."  Let that sink in.  Plus, we are ALL dealing with our own battles. Life is unfair. No one has a perfect life.  I was reminded of this on Sunday when the Philadelphia Eagles beat the New England Patriots in the Superbowl. Even Tom Brady, who is arguably the greatest player of all time, can't win every game. (Hmmm maybe not the best example since he has five Superbowl rings, but you get it! Right?) In her book, Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy, Sheryl Sandberg wrote that "life is never perfect. We all live some form of Option B." And Sandberg is really smart, so it must be true.

After my pep talk, I reminded myself of the Serenity Prayer (take a read of my blog post "Serenity, Courage, Wisdom" if you haven't already) to help me sort through my issues with "missing me" and "missing my friends." I asked myself (I talk to myself a lot, don't I?) "okay. You're upset, but can you do anything to change the situation? Do that. Let the rest go."

That's when I realized that I do have a choice when it comes to my friendships: I can make more of an effort with these friends or I can let the relationships run their course.  I'm not too sure what I'm going to do, but being in control makes me feel better.  I also took a moment to be thankful for the strong friendships I do have instead of focusing on the couple of relationships that I am worried about.  Be grateful - it works! 

Unfortunately, there are things that I can't control. I'm going to miss who I was before the accident. This is a fact. I might get back to the person I was, I might not. Another fact. These are things that I need to let go. Acceptance is so powerful and liberating. My situation is not ideal, but all I can do is listen to my doctors and be the best person I can be. I didn't plan for my concussion to happen, but it happened.  My life will be different, but guess what? Different doesn't mean worse. There is nothing stopping me from living a happy, rewarding life if I can just let go of the past. Sandberg also wrote that when "option A is unavailable... Kick the shit out of option B."  And this is exactly what I plan to do.

And just like that, Joy is back at the console. (I mean if I actually had a Headquarters.)

Until next time... Stay safe kids!