Raise your hand if you have ever fallen into a rut? Felt stuck in the same dull routine? Been unhappy, uninterested and disappointed with your life?
Me, too. I've been there. We've all been there. I mean even "Alice had to fall down a deep hole before finding her wonderland."*
Last February, not only did I sustain a concussion when I fell, but I also landed in a rut the size of the Grand Canyon. When you consider the facts though, I can't say that I am all that surprised by this. Every brain injury is unique, so it is impossible to establish a timeline for recovery. This creates extreme uncertainty as it's difficult to set long term goals or plans. Add a dash of post concussion symptoms, chronic pain, medication and hundreds of specialist appointments, throw in cancelled plans and lost independence, mix in job and financial instability as a result of the injury, then let the mixture marinate over time; And bam! You have the perfect rut. (Don't try this recipe at home.)
I have good news though! I've found something that has helped me and yes, of course, I'm going to share it with you. Essentially, I took a page from Elizabeth Gilbert's book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear:
"Passion can seem intimidatingly out of reach at times [...] But curiosity is a milder, quieter, more welcoming, and more democratic entity. The stakes of curiosity are also far lower than the stakes of passion. [...] Curiosity only ever asks one simple question: "Is there anything you're interested in?" Anything? Even a tiny bit? No matter how mundane or small? The answer need not set your life on fire, or make you quit your job [...]; it just has to capture your attention for a moment. But in that moment, if you can pause and identify even one tiny speck of interest in something, then curiosity will ask you to turn your head a quarter of an inch and look at the thing a wee bit closer. Do it. It's a clue. It might seem like nothing, but it's a clue. Follow that clue. Trust it. See where curiosity will lead you next."
She makes it sound so easy, doesn't she? Just start small, with baby steps. My suggestion is to make a combination of your traditional bucket list and your daily to-do list. I started to do this a couple of years back during the "I can't believe I'm turning 30" rut. I sat down, thought about my interests and things I really wanted to do, and I made a list of 30 things I wanted to do before I turned 31. The goals/tasks were practical in that I could and would be able to do them within the year, but fun and rewarding in nature, so it didn't feel like a chore. Whenever I found myself getting blue, I would pull out my list and make a plan to tackle one of the items. It gave me something to do, a topic to talk to others about, and a reason to celebrate when I finished each task. It was also a lot of fun! Over that year, I gave someone a $100 tip, reconnected with an old friend, raised $1000 for a charity, and went for a ride on a motorcycle, to name a few.
On my 31st birthday, I made a new to-do list, but unfortunately, after my concussion, I subconsciously tossed this list aside as my health became the main priority. However,on my 32nd birthday, when I found myself sitting at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, I needed my to-do list more than ever. I sat down, thought about what my interests/limitations are now and made a to-do list for the next 12 months (you can find the list below for those who are interested in reading it). And, things are already getting better.
It would be naive of me to think that the to do list approach will work for everyone. However, there is still a key takeaway here; when you feel stuck and unhappy with your life, the first step is to acknowledge you have a problem (this isn't news, I know). Next, decide if you want more and if you are willing to do something to change your current mood and predicament. The last step is to do something about it. Will Rodgers summarized this process well, when he famously said: "if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging." Whether it be a hole, a rut, or the Grand Canyon, just stop digging.
And let me know how it goes.
* I have no idea who first said this, but I like it. I think Alice may have been on recreational drugs, but I'm using the line anyways.
Me, too. I've been there. We've all been there. I mean even "Alice had to fall down a deep hole before finding her wonderland."*
Last February, not only did I sustain a concussion when I fell, but I also landed in a rut the size of the Grand Canyon. When you consider the facts though, I can't say that I am all that surprised by this. Every brain injury is unique, so it is impossible to establish a timeline for recovery. This creates extreme uncertainty as it's difficult to set long term goals or plans. Add a dash of post concussion symptoms, chronic pain, medication and hundreds of specialist appointments, throw in cancelled plans and lost independence, mix in job and financial instability as a result of the injury, then let the mixture marinate over time; And bam! You have the perfect rut. (Don't try this recipe at home.)
I have good news though! I've found something that has helped me and yes, of course, I'm going to share it with you. Essentially, I took a page from Elizabeth Gilbert's book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear:
"Passion can seem intimidatingly out of reach at times [...] But curiosity is a milder, quieter, more welcoming, and more democratic entity. The stakes of curiosity are also far lower than the stakes of passion. [...] Curiosity only ever asks one simple question: "Is there anything you're interested in?" Anything? Even a tiny bit? No matter how mundane or small? The answer need not set your life on fire, or make you quit your job [...]; it just has to capture your attention for a moment. But in that moment, if you can pause and identify even one tiny speck of interest in something, then curiosity will ask you to turn your head a quarter of an inch and look at the thing a wee bit closer. Do it. It's a clue. It might seem like nothing, but it's a clue. Follow that clue. Trust it. See where curiosity will lead you next."
She makes it sound so easy, doesn't she? Just start small, with baby steps. My suggestion is to make a combination of your traditional bucket list and your daily to-do list. I started to do this a couple of years back during the "I can't believe I'm turning 30" rut. I sat down, thought about my interests and things I really wanted to do, and I made a list of 30 things I wanted to do before I turned 31. The goals/tasks were practical in that I could and would be able to do them within the year, but fun and rewarding in nature, so it didn't feel like a chore. Whenever I found myself getting blue, I would pull out my list and make a plan to tackle one of the items. It gave me something to do, a topic to talk to others about, and a reason to celebrate when I finished each task. It was also a lot of fun! Over that year, I gave someone a $100 tip, reconnected with an old friend, raised $1000 for a charity, and went for a ride on a motorcycle, to name a few.
On my 31st birthday, I made a new to-do list, but unfortunately, after my concussion, I subconsciously tossed this list aside as my health became the main priority. However,on my 32nd birthday, when I found myself sitting at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, I needed my to-do list more than ever. I sat down, thought about what my interests/limitations are now and made a to-do list for the next 12 months (you can find the list below for those who are interested in reading it). And, things are already getting better.
It would be naive of me to think that the to do list approach will work for everyone. However, there is still a key takeaway here; when you feel stuck and unhappy with your life, the first step is to acknowledge you have a problem (this isn't news, I know). Next, decide if you want more and if you are willing to do something to change your current mood and predicament. The last step is to do something about it. Will Rodgers summarized this process well, when he famously said: "if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging." Whether it be a hole, a rut, or the Grand Canyon, just stop digging.
And let me know how it goes.
* I have no idea who first said this, but I like it. I think Alice may have been on recreational drugs, but I'm using the line anyways.
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32 Things To-Do Before I Turn 33
- Join a polar bear swim
- Pay off my medical bills/debt
- Take a photography course
- Knit a scarf
- Declutter my home
- Get another tattoo
- Use my timeshare
- Be my ideal weight (maybe celebrate with a boudoir shoot)
- Paint a canvas
- Finish a 1000 piece puzzle
- Fall asleep in a hammock
- Go to a Broadway show in New York
- Milk a cow
- Experience an American Thanksgiving
- Complete the 52 lists for Happiness (https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/paper/52-lists-for-happiness/9781632170965-item.html)
- Write 52 Thank You notes
- Advocate for change to the concussion protocol in the Northwest Territories
- Solve a Rubik's cube
- Meditate 5 times per week
- Take a week long technology hiatus
- Go ice skating on an outdoor rink
- Learn how to cook 12 new dishes
- Have my writing published (this one is a bit of a stretch goal, but it's good to stretch every once and awhile, right?)
- Run through a field of wild flowers
- Go night snowshoeing
- Visit my grandparents regularly
- Help someone cross something off their bucket list
- Run a mile
- Hike the Chief in Squamish, B.C. (my favourite hike)
- Take a spin class
- Teach a course or give a presentation
- Feel independent again
What do you think?
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